DONE

AP exams are over.

in other news

flowersflowersflowersflowers

now im all ick nasty because ive been studying 24/7 - but my soul feels beautiful

Sing me a Sweet Song, and Let Me Dance

Yesterday it started out 70 degrees, so at 8 I woke up and went to the Audobon. At 9 the thunderclouds rolled in, and I ran back to the car in my white t-shirt (bad choice) in the hardest rain I've seen for a while. It was wonderful.

LIFE...

...is stressing me out. In three weeks it will be smooth sailing, but I just really need to hold on until then.

College

This past week I have been in Oregon and California for the great collage pilgrimage. It's like my romantic life: just when I find something I like, something better comes along. And then you see something that is rare and beautiful but do you really want to get in a relationship or just be close friends. and is it love or infatuation? aaaaahhhhh I DON'T KNOW.

but right now Pomona College looks pretty sweeeet.

I Have A Math Test Tomorrow and I'm Really F******g Stressed

my spine is itching in that tingly sort of way

that rips the seams from the inside

of a hollow tree stretched with the webs

of tiny brown spiders who couldn't care less

my spine is ripping is a cracker crumble way

that simply parts and the seeds disembark

on their heroic journey to the floor

where they blink stupidly at the dog feet

my spine is cornering in a pining sort of way

of the tissues past of ripping whitewards

though the plastic claims the better half

as the fibers long for unification

You Wanna Watch Me? Come On Come On Watch Me!

The energy of youth is electrifying, the ability to jump over fences, not sleep for 24 hours, and (most importantly?) look fabulous. Marc Jacobs captured youth to me in his Spring/Summer 2009 show for Marc by Marc Jacobs. The dresses are breezy enough, but the shoes, the shoes! Jazz shoes have never looked better.

The music was equally awe-inspriring, but I have yet to find out who spun. I just want to strut to this all day - the opening track is "Neek Chic" by Goldielocks, and can not be purchased anywhere, I already tried.

"I'll paint my nails pink and my eyelashes blue,

anything to help my isolate myself from you,

the tops that you look really just aren't me

you run around looking all exactly THE SAME"

click here to watch it

MUNCH

Edvard Munch stirs up something inside me - he is by far my favorite artist. Two summers ago, I visited Oslo and was luck enough to go the Munch museum. For the first time I really because enthralled with art, completely in rapture.

Last weekend my quest for more Munch brought me to the Art Institute of Chicago, which had the exhibit "Becoming Edvard Munch: Influence, Anxiety, and Myth". Although not as stirring as the art in his native Norway, it was thrilling nontheless. Then Thad and I frolicked about Chicago, capping off the beautiful day.

Arched

in my underwear i write poetry

two headed poetry

with ten spigots and swift ankles with wings

whisking me outside, and i have bare feet

hippity bounce don't prick the soles

i walk with green tipped tinges

i am filling branches with pies of sentences

and filing my nails with memories

i am eating a green apple on the floor naked

i am crying into words as my mouth remembers

through my hippie journal with ideas

of emerson and indians

and dipping in water on alive nights

and cowering in water on nights that never end

and pressing my lips to the showers belly button

i breathe

i am full of love

i was full of love

i cut pear slices of it

and fed tired ankles, and limber stringy arms

stretched against the sky upward as a sillhouette

now im arched over in the light glistening night

to write these silly things that will not be understood because

i put tule between words

is it insanity? do you think so?

well you know i laugh

just hold me

like a bowl

like how the clouds hold the moon

holding the rooftops of this town

holding me and mine and my memories:

in my veins

there is a spritish imp chirping these ideas

she singy sing sinzzzgs such

beauuuuuutiful songs

with bare shoulders

her swift collarbone

her neck

her backbone is a plumb

trickling down onto the chair of straw

where i sit in my underwear

and write poems

It's Just Noise Now

originally written Frbruary 14, 2009

it seems now my has returned

after a hiatus in bliss

because yes my eyes were red today

and i could feel the water flowing

down my

spine

even after it was over

and pressed in a blue towel i could not be distracted

and prevented it longer

i did nothing today

but think of the past

and wait

and wait

and wait

for things that have already happened or will happen after the spring stops being confused

after my life starts regressing

the time we had oh when the winds would blow, with rain, with snow

and at our best there were always golden rocks to throw

those were high times

those were high times

will we ever learn to waltz

New Haircut

One snip of my hair and I've passed the Rubicon. Damnit, it's really short!

Is it just me or are new haircuts always sub par?

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Drama Queens

When one is cast as the lead there are two immediate emotions:

1. OH MY GOD IS THAT REALLY MY NAME NO WAY YAYAYAYAYAYYA

2. I MUST HIDE BEFORE THE PICHFORKS AND TORTCHES APPEAR

Actresses can be bitches. Actors can suddenly turn nasty.

Everything must must be taken with a grain of salt!

So I was cast as the lead in a play today. And the world is either thrilled for me or ready to kill me. What did I do? I simply auditioned?!? So here's how everyone ends up mad

"he cast all freshmen?! favoritism!!!! he should have cast seniors - it's their last year!"

or

"he cast seniors?! how the hell are lowerclassmen who are talented supposed to get a role when talent clearly doesn't matter, and it's simply age?"

ACTING IS A NASTY BUSINESS, NOT FOR THE FAINT AT HEART

or the lame, whiny, and complaining. deal with it. that's why this sport has no referees, and does not play fair.

Lillies and Iris, Safe from the Chill

Last night I figured out what I will only spend my money on when I grow up

1. clothes

2. library fees (for overdue books, magazines, and movies)

3. flowers

I received some flowers for opening night and they now decorate my room and bathroom.

Im in love with flowers. Maybe it's the impending spring, ouais?

Tech Week

I have no time to write this - its tech week for The Secret Garden and my life is spinning

HOWEVER - over in France Garance Dore knows whats up, visit garancedore.fr/en

Watch Now, Carry

the shortness of breath 

and eyes eyes there 

ha! so at thin point you hate my wilish ways

and now you why you are just there?

analyze, anhiliate

spell things incorrectly and as jagged now that you know

can you see are you interested

will you linger for more then the surface please please

why are you even here

Sam's Red Car

the first time I came he was jumping on top

his hair was up down, my heart was a-flop

the seats tilted back, my neck held in strain

with no knowledge of what I had yet to gain

the crazy woot woot of passion and dirt

with folly and life we always would flirt

thy head out the window alive with the air

theses good times I see were only a snare

he taunted and laughed, pinning In God We Trust

the framework of red, the earth was our lust

wheels turning and stopping, I know every seat

was the joy you delivered just a small feat?

the picture of life, the smell I still hold

injections of hope would soon make me bold

cannabis incense, a small little bear

a banner of comfort that you came to bear

socks only he wore, on the first night it snowed

we scurried inside, my thoughts failed to mold

you took us through the thin darkness and sleet

sparing me movement of my little feet

horizontal in blankets, I slept in your grasp, 

as he drove you onward, my life was a gasp

a tiny wood dragon, propped up just for fun

I think back and know that my life I had won

I saw you today, idle under the snow

adventures of wonder I never will know

mobility valued, as upward you took me

the ways that I love you, the times that I now see

I'm a Homebody

I'm staying at home tonight, a night in.  I've been counting, I've only not gone out on the weekend three times this year. I am surprised at myself, last year I rarely went out at all. 

This is my realization!  I actually do things with my life this year, I have changed so much for the better.  I'm relieved that I finally know who I am. 

Pictured: fun nights that have occurred lately

The Time We Had

the reason my heart goes tip tippy ting ting

is watching a new bird gracefully sing

the reason my soul jolts awake in the dawn

is laughing a hippy caw out on the lawn

the reason for fun in the mid day of school

is flying away, defying the rule

the reason my poems were bouncy and agile

is toughening feet, never too fragile

the reason for music, the days never long

is somehow removed, now utterly gone

the reason I wake up, the reason I sing

is still making my heart go tip tippy ting ting

I Can See the Grass

Yesterday was Janice-faced, deceptively like spring, it lifted my spirits from the winter guck. However, it as also Sam's last day here.  I hung out with Gus, Orlee, and Ian on the long stretch of beach (Orlee in green, me in black, Gus in the distance, photo by Ian).  It was so much fun, but Sam's leaving was a sword of Damocles I could not ignore. 

So, I went for a 4 mile run.  Some hipster man on a bike gave my eyebrows when I leaped over a newly melted puddle like a gazelle. It felt nice to be alive. 

Devil Tree

written May, 2008

Afraid of what will happen if I get far. If I get near?

Like a child with a marshmallow

I wanted one

Maybe two

Maybe three.

I don't like the taste of cheap chocolate

Or punctuation.  Punctuation tasted like care

Punctuation tasted like "good night"

Or just night

"im going to bed, so should you"

"well sometimes it's good to be wild"

"are you thinking what im thinking"

"no problem, i enjoy a night with a beautiful girl"

But none of these words were spoken. Then what were they, thoughts?

false?  Recordings of something so frail and shattering as the container 

that housed them?

I saved them. Never actually bothering to talk to you.

A few times.

But the words were choppy.

And punctuated with laughter. 

And then they were smooth. As smooth as my body slicing through the night.  Swirling, cutting. Jerky, secret, madly visible. As smooth as the red satin that just barely kept me real. As smooth as my white shirt billowing down.

You hugged me. In your big black sweatshirt. In my big pink sweatshirt. It was all big. The first time. Happy birthday.  Happy birthday

delete delete delete delete delete!!!!!

Are YOU a second semester senior?

If your not, then make friends with me quickly. Because some of my most brilliant friends will be graduating come June. NOOOOOOOOOO

I can't decide wether to throw myself into a relationship that might be over sooner then it began. Is it worth it?