Remember The Feeling of Cold

The cold was not quite biting, but fierce enough for me to put up my hood of fake fur. blow the cigarette smoke away, the smell stays on the fake plastic fibers. The melted snow on the sidewalk shone garishly in the little light from the moon, as I deer-hopped down the street.

I reached the party and just went int. They were happy to see me;soaked in cheap Fleischmann’s. “After five shots, you puke”. I took three.

I didn’t belong there. I felt empty.

“Come pick me up”

I waited for 45 minutes on the sidewalk. You always kept me waiting. I lit another cigarette, and forgot it was burning in my hand until my flesh was singed. Two little burn marks drawing blood near my knuckles. I sucked on them.

Your car pulled up.

You were so damn skinny, I could see your knee cap through your kakis even in the musty yellow light from the street. We drove to OP for more cigarettes. The unfortunate man behind the counter stuck out in his thin, play school-blue polo. His stringy blond hair hung over his face, and didn’t ask for ID, though I was seventeen. But what’s a few months at two in the morning?

Talking talking talking talking in circles. Why why why? You were coming down from an acid trip, that was why. That didn't make things any less confusing. I looked in the corner of the room - there was a helium ballon, in that fake candy shine color, that read “I love you”. Valentine’s Day was the week before, you made some witty joke. It was starting at us the entire time we talked, it's wrinkles beginning to take form. The whole room was grey, and brown, except for that shiny red ballon. It seemed out of place indoors.

I could feel your ribs through two layers of clothing, feel every one. And feel your heartbeat, irregular, leaping, and so full of life. You told me secrets, the same secrets that many others knew. But those brown eyes were just so irresistible!

Thin light began to peek through the kitchen. We moved. As you swerved out of the garage I issued a warning about your driving. There was cocaine in your pocket, no cops tonight! But of course it was not night anymore, 5:30 in the morning. I was cutting it dangerously close.

You let me out of the car. I couldn’t fall asleep once back in my chilly room.